The New Yorker
My Strict Morning Routine
Eight Things I Wish I’d Known in My Twenties Before I Blew My Life Savings on an Alpaca Farm
McSweeney’s
At This Rate, I’ll Never Be Able to Start a Second Family
I’m the Guy Who Wears Jeans in the Summer, and You’ll Never Get Me to Admit That I’m Burning Up
Your Neighbor With the Loud Motorcycle Who’s Making Your Life a Living Hell Introduces Himself
Cancel Culture Has Gotten Out of Control, Which Is Why I’m Canceling My MLB TV Subscription
Weekly Health Update from the Principal of Cobra Kai’s West Valley High School
Take Me Out, Coach: Revising John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” for MLB’s COVID-19 Outbreak
Points in Case
I Honestly Prefer Being Alone—Unless You Want to Hang Out?
Are You Getting Enough Protein, Bro?
I Am Thrilled to Be the Mafia’s New Fall Guy
Better Responses to the Question “What Do You Do?” When You’re Unemployed
This Is Your 3 AM Existential Dread Wake-up Call
This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us
A Message from the Meditation App You Haven’t Opened in Six Months
Birdwatching Journal Highlights from the Year My Wife Cheated on Me with Our Neighbor Rick
Slackjaw
I Quit Drinking Coffee And I’ve Never Felt Better, Except For When I Drank Coffee
I’m The Guy Who Stands Up As Soon As The Plane Lands, And You Slowpokes Better Be Ready To Move
What To Do If You Encounter A Coyote — Namely, Longtime Ken Burns Film Narrator Peter Coyote (Third Place, Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge 2021)
Did I Mention That I’m Into Jazz Now? Because I’m Super Into Jazz Now
Here At Farmer Drummond’s Pumpkin Patch, We’ve Got Way Too Many Goddamn Pumpkins
You’ll Never Escape From My Inescapable Prison, So Please Stop Trying
Try Our New 45/45/10 Burger! (Just Don’t Ask Us What’s In The 10%)
Weekly Humorist
Gregor Samsa Returns to Work (Best of 2021)
The Offing
Maybe Don’t Come Back? A Message from the Dean of Law & Order’s Hudson University
Widget
You, Too, Can Live Like A King—Assuming Your Father’s A Wealthy Corporate Takeover Specialist